i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
