I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
