we're chasing vodka with high fives
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
