youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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