Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
