Four minutes until I can fart!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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