Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
