dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
