im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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