Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
