I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
