Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
