ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think my tv is drunk
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I will pee on everything he values.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
