Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
