Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
