You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize