I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
