Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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