So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
