So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
