i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
