dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
