i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
