I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize