she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
