Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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