so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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