I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
