is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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