Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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