Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
