So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
