Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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