I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
