it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
