If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
