Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
