Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
