It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
