My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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