I would go down on you faster than GM stock
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize