I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
