when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
