god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
