Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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