Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
