craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
