He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
