I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize