I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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