Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
