That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
