I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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