Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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