Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
