Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
