dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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