I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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