fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
