: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
