have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
