She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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