im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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