if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
