you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
