hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
