Whod you bang
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
