just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
