Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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