She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
