The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
