there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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