Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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