The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
