you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
