Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
