She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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