fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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