i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
