The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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