how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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