ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
