Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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