Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
