im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
