No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
