so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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