i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
