I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
