You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
