WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
