i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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