...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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