I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize