Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
